Session Log

2020-12-11

Enduring the repetition is key to letting yourself being affected.

When you are changing the repetition on purpose after only one or two cycles,
you might have yourself locked in to catch any shift on the other side.
Then, you are basically avoiding yourself of being affected.
— Once you keep the repetition over more cycles (> 8 times or so), you gradually
will experience yourself of allowing yourself being affected;
we get an Ouch. That’s the Pinch for the other side, sparking another Ouch…

2020-10-30

Instructions

Player A & B

  • simple repetition: focus on what’s over there (other partner)

  • stay with the same sentence for some time -> let it sink it to reveal the truth

  • once you notice sth. happening (body level) over there (other partner), interpret without your head (that’s what we train in the three moments game), derive conclusion (actually, no need to be true, it is your personal truth) tell it your counterpart, any of (basically each stage of three moment game)

    • feeling

    • action (leaning forward, smiling, looking away)

    • what the other is doing to you (makes you a fool of yourself, insinuates you of sth., manipulates you

  • repeat, repeat until another truth emerges (let the repetition do you!)

  • repetition for 20 mins (or longer ;) )

Observer

  • needs to make sure that participants really listen: instruct them if they don’t listen (went up into their head)

  • asks to repeat if they don’t continue

  • asks to cut out gaps

Key Learnings

  • Turning Point: feeling of congruence

  • high quality standard due to moderation by Bettina

  • feeling of decoupling, like mental and bodily go in parallel

  • if you want to make the repetition interesting, find it boring, you are not in the moment (disconnected) -> let the repetition do you; allow it to affect you

  • each time you want to push forward, it becomes artificial and you drop out of the flow

  • find balance between repeating, rhythm, flow and truthfulness

  • train repetitions in longer sessions to get into it - only then new methods

  • if you get constantly in your head without noticing it: observe in every day life how anything affects you “how is that affecting me right now?” (Whats my personal relationship to that? What does this do to me? Three moment game internally)

  • first get the rhythm by repeat, repeat no matter whether it’s true or not, changing the repetition makes only sense if you have a rhythm (you might stumble in the beginning until you discover your truth, stay with each other and in the moment you get into the flow)

  • repeat the words of the other consciously, even if you have the feeling initially that it’s not true (if you are not 1000% sure, keep repeating until the truth [=feeling] appears)

2020-09-25

Pinch & Ouch.

Key Learnings

  • when a mask is showing up, notice it and try to get behind the mask

  • let yourself be affected / how are you affected / repeat…

  • don’t let go before they go behind the mask

  • maybe it’s easier to ask person who is affected than the other to observe it; you might have higher probability near the source…

  • gap -> ask the one who has it -> how does it affect you?

  • how to facilitate rhythm?

  • rhythm does not mean speed

  • go with the rhythm - let the rhythm be important

  • reaction should be immediate not necessary instant

  • asking the right person for the next deeper thing

  • if you have superficial ping pong going on: make it deeper by intervening and asking one participant “how does it affect you”.

  • repetitions become easier with trust

Observer:

  • have the courage to ask what is behind

  • observer: make your intervention short and powerful to not break the rhythm (good example: “how did that affect you”; bad example: “as you just heard … if she is telling you, if you let that affect you, what…”)

We are right now at pp 44-48 in the workbook.

2020-09-18

Key Learnings

  • the ability to express your emotion depends on trusting the other person

  • my emotion mirrors the other’s emotion

  • how to better observe your feelings? - body is faster than my brain - don’t be afraid to be wrong - do happy sad angry with yourself

    • the thing that the angry is wrong is the actual emotion

  • observer role: “too much is too much”, don’t try to over-control the dynamic

We are right now at pp 44-48 in the workbook.

2020-09-11

Focus on Pinch & Ouch.

Key Learnings

  • Focus on the other player. How is he affected?

  • “How does this affect you?” Players and observer: don’t focus in the reaction, focus on voicing the emotion behind it (the spark behind the action). With practice, players and observer will close the gap between reaction and emotion.

  • Player: focus on closing that gap: focus on voicing your reaction immediately, even if it’s not “exactly that”. And you’re even allowed to be completely wrong. If you are, you’re not alone: the other player and the observer will help voice it : “You’re not sad, you’re angry! True or not true?” (Or you can correct yourself: “No I’m not sad, I’m angry!”)

  • Useful for the Observer to help close the gap: “- How does it affect you? - [blank reaction] - Happy, sad, angry?…”

  • Troy’s way to get to the truth: focus on the other and demand the truth (how are they truly affected) from them – and when they don’t, it affect me! It pisses me off and makes me even more affected, stronger POV.

  • “I feel lonely… you make me feel lonely.” “- No, actually, girl, you make you feel lonely!”. Don’t be agreeable, be bold, be truthful. Be simple, be honest. Be pure. Purity brings honesty.

We are right now at pp 44-48 in the workbook.

2020-09-04

Retrospective

Pinch & Ouch works from what is over there (your partner) and what is there (you).
No provocative question to initiate the repetition. Whoever starts, starts.
The observer’s key task is: get reaction 1 from both participants
Reaction 1 is the answer to the question: “How did that affect you?”
If you ever see a mask or shield from either ask them “how did that affect you?”.
We only want reaction 1 here, no reaction 2 (in contrast to EED).
Finish after 2 mins. Debrief by “observers of observers”:
Where did the observer did not catch the participants naming reaction 1?
What did I need to do as a observer to bring out more interaction?
Don’t get caught up in the movie - you need to be the director.
You are dropping them into their truth.
That they stay in truth truth truth.
Rotate.

We are right now at pp 44-48 in the workbook.

2020-08-28

Retrospective

Effortlessness is the single word summarising last Friday’s session.
Without planning we coincidently resembled what page 43 summarises with “Knowing what is happening”.
It’s not about trying. It’s about letting the repetition do you.
Overall it has been a softening experience, simply beautiful to watch.
In a sense it is the authentic art of letting go.

We initiate a repetition with a provocative question that is built from what is there right now with our partner.
The recipient of the provocative question repeats it immediately. The sender of the question tells the recipient the “ouch” (inner reaction) he concludes.
That start the repetition.
The facilitator intervenes to shift the repetition towards rhythm, flow, truthful & strong POV.
Currently his role is to catch those missed ouches, to stop the repetition and ask the partner to name the missed ouch to resume the repetition.
He also takes care of both partners only to work from what is over there (with the other partner).
While the repetition goes on the facilitator calls any partner by random “David, go!”.
David would then name the very first thing he takes leading to a new repetition.
Stop repetition after 2 mins to not let it become a lazy repetition. Debrief. Rotate.

We are right now at pp 38 - 43 in the workbook.

Key Learnings

  • it becomes less effortful once you be done by the repetition

  • importance of letting go

  • when there is discomfort: best way to come out of it is to tell truth in blunt way -> resets exchange

  • is the drawing on the wall ok as truthful POV? Yes, if it is coming to you - and not the other way around.

  • we all have to learn to be in the present (that’s difficult to repeat what happened in the past)

  • if you cannot track the pinch back from the ouch, it’s not working from over there

2020-08-21

Retrospective

Today we initiated a repetition with three-moments game pt. 2. (provocative question / repeating question / conclusion). As the repetition was on-going the observer started a new repetition by calling out “Go, David!”. Apart from rhythm, truth, strong POV, the observer needed to

  1. ensure that we are not yet naming our own feelings and

  2. catch those “ouches” one participant misses to name.

We are right now at the stage of page 36 of the workbook.

Key Learnings

  • Importance of letting yourself being affected

  • Quicker repetitions (2 mins only): to not let them become lazy repetitions

  • Don’t allow yourself time to be affected - that’s mind control game.

  • The instant path to relate to your partner is to work from what he is experiencing in the moment.

  • We train dual awareness: What’s happening over there and what’s true for me.

  • People try to make relationship through story; this approach makes relationship through action and reaction.

2020-08-14

Retrospective

Last Friday we focused mainly on the Three Moments Game Pt. 1. In this week’s application sessions we initially tried to make up a provocative question in our mind. We learned that this is not working from a truthful point of view. Once we let the provocative question emerge from the present (for example our partner), the dynamic of how we relate to each other had an entirely different energy. Example: Annabelle’s make-up let the provocative question emerge rather than I make up sth. from my mind and throw it to her (working with what’s already there, taking it, throwing it back). Thanks for the input of the group without that progress would not have been possible.